HANDSHAKE DIPLOMACY

Am I the lone ranger in being concerned that President Obama continues to mix up Business and Social Etiquette both domestically and abroad? Today, during my Morning Joe fix, I noted several references to our President's "handshake diplomacy," referring to if the President should have shaken the hands of Chavez and Ortega after they overtly diss'ed our country. Spokesman Josh Earnest responded to the press that President Obama was just being "mannerly" and I'm sure that this was the intent. However, the types of handshakes and "chivalrous" behavior can be viewed as inappropriate, confusing, and potentially offensive to global hosts.

"We're cool" and awkward handshakes aside, pulling out the chair for Chili's first female President, Michelle Brachelet, during the official dinner at the Summit of the Americas on Saturday night was potentially insulting to President Brachelet. In business, gender is neutral which means that "chivalrous" behavior has no place in professional interactions. In this arena, men and women are treated with the same respect and deference, no more, no less. So far, the French press has negatively referred to President Obama's behavior toward Brachelet as "full mode boy scout." Certainly, some woman responded negatively after Candidate Obama pulled out Hilary Clinton's chair at their debate, but it remains to be seen who else picks up on this most recent series of etiquette breaches.

Bottom line, as I've said before, I wish that our President would appoint a dynamic Chief of Protocol asap! I worry about the subliminal and collateral messages that some of his nonverbal behavior risks conveying and wish to see Barack Obama viewed by other world leaders as a strong, direct, and globally sensitive Commander in Chief.

SUSAN BOYLE: A lesson in suspending judgement

Has everyone except me seen Susan Boyle's UTube video before today? Wow, her voice is outstanding and the video humbling. Why? The easy answer is because those of us who have watched the tryouts for American Idol are cynically conditioned to doubt what we see, especially if the packaging is unglamorous. But, perhaps the real reason lies at the core of our tendency to judge people.

I preach that "manners" is basically kindness, compassion, and tolerance towards others. We can figure out most of the "rules" if we just think about how the other person is affected by our behavior. My point is that when we prejudge people based on their appearance or speech, our response has to impact the other in an unkind and therefore, unmannerly way. And, ultimately, we are the losers as well. What a shame that we missed out on Susan Boyle's amazing voice until now.

BOW-GATE AND PRESIDENTIAL PROTOCOL

How does the 44th President of the United States greet international royalty? Both sides of the aisle have criticized President Obama for every nuance of his first official trip abroad, including the way in which he greeted and gifted Prime Minister Gordon Brown, Queen Elizabeth, and Saudi King Abdullah, While any new President will have some protocol missteps, I'm more concerned with what was preventable and how they were handled by the White House.

I've been wondering for awhile just who IS advising the President and his family on protocol and etiquette issues? It would be reassuring to see him make a Chief of Protocol appointment. Nominating a truly qualified person would validate his stated commitment to "manners." I must confess that I suggested this in a congratulatory note to the President shortly after his election, but alas, my recommendation went unheeded. A credentialed Chief of Protocol might have intervened and prevented some of the criticism of the Obama's gift selections. Yes, I agree that they could have chosen more personal and inspired gifts, as I responded to the New York Post's query after their meeting with the Queen. Ditto for the gift to P.M. Gordon Brown.

Also preventable was the press criticism of bows, nods, handshakes, touches, and greetings. Did they violate some aspects of international protocol? "Yes, but": It's only fair to point out that like "etiquette," protocol does and indeed should evolve over time. Even the Queen's official website gives some latitude in official greetings allowing that at times a "handshake" may be appropriate. The fact that Prince Charles was "allowed" to marry a divorced woman is evidence that the protocol of the Royal Monarchy has evolved. Allowing a press friendly Chief of Protocol to explain these nuances (instead of, in some cases, self-described "etiquette experts") would have averted much of the criticism.

It's open season for scrutiny and criticism for every President, but by far, the most worrisome aspect of "bow-gate" is the White House response. I was disconcerted by Press Secretary Robert Gibb's first dishonest and then sarcastic response to a reporter's question about whether or not the President, as a mannerly gesture, bowed to King Abdullah. By first denying that President Obama bowed to the King and then saying, "I can only imagine it is of great cause and concern for many people struggling with the economy," Mr. Gibbs fueled the flames of "non-transparency" accusations in the White House. And, he diss'ed "protocol, etiquette, and manners" by suggesting that such concern was mutually exclusive with economic worry. Rather, uncertain times remind us that such core values as kindness, honesty, and compassion are what we call "manners."