WHITE HOUSE MANNERS: "CBS' Rude Little Liberal?"

Why does each generation decry the perceived decline of manners in subsequent generations?  As I mentioned in an interview on "techiquette" yesterday for the South China Morning Post, I don't believe that manners deteriorate with each generation, but rather that they change or morph with the times.  That said, the circus-like fiasco at Robert Gibbs' White House Press Conference yesterday afternoon reminded me that every generation has its' fair share of simply rude people.  During serious discussion about President Obama's decision on Gitmo detainee photos, four cell phones rang after repeated requests from Mr. Gibbs' that all phones be put on vibrate.  Does this sound more like a middle school class room with a substitute teacher?  

 John Gizzi of Human Events Magazine lost his cell phone to Mr. Gibbs.  Appropriately, Mr. Gizzi apologized for his error.  Okay, mistakes happen.  After a few more minutes, the seemingly arrogant older "kid," who had been put in the front row so that the teacher could keep an eye on him, not only disrupted the "class" with his ringing cell phone, but answered it!  Yes, Bill Plant, CBS Senior White House Correspondent, answered his cell phone, defiantly refusing to give the "teacher," Robert Gibbs, the noisy contraband, and left the briefing talking on his phone.  No apology there.  In fact, no apology was given afterward in his CBS blog discussing his "side of the story."  But, this is not the first time this reporter was labeled by the media as "rude."  In 2007, The New York Observer labeled Mr. Plant a "rude little liberal"  after he shouted out the uninvited question to President Bush regarding Karl Rove: “If he’s so smart, how come you lost Congress?” 

What's a White House Press Secretary to do?  Do what most good parents and teachers do:  Establish a policy, be clear about what it means in a way that defines the consequences for its' violation, and be consistent about enforcing the policy.  It's a simple matter of global manners.

HANDSHAKE DIPLOMACY

Am I the lone ranger in being concerned that President Obama continues to mix up Business and Social Etiquette both domestically and abroad? Today, during my Morning Joe fix, I noted several references to our President's "handshake diplomacy," referring to if the President should have shaken the hands of Chavez and Ortega after they overtly diss'ed our country. Spokesman Josh Earnest responded to the press that President Obama was just being "mannerly" and I'm sure that this was the intent. However, the types of handshakes and "chivalrous" behavior can be viewed as inappropriate, confusing, and potentially offensive to global hosts.

"We're cool" and awkward handshakes aside, pulling out the chair for Chili's first female President, Michelle Brachelet, during the official dinner at the Summit of the Americas on Saturday night was potentially insulting to President Brachelet. In business, gender is neutral which means that "chivalrous" behavior has no place in professional interactions. In this arena, men and women are treated with the same respect and deference, no more, no less. So far, the French press has negatively referred to President Obama's behavior toward Brachelet as "full mode boy scout." Certainly, some woman responded negatively after Candidate Obama pulled out Hilary Clinton's chair at their debate, but it remains to be seen who else picks up on this most recent series of etiquette breaches.

Bottom line, as I've said before, I wish that our President would appoint a dynamic Chief of Protocol asap! I worry about the subliminal and collateral messages that some of his nonverbal behavior risks conveying and wish to see Barack Obama viewed by other world leaders as a strong, direct, and globally sensitive Commander in Chief.

SUSAN BOYLE: A lesson in suspending judgement

Has everyone except me seen Susan Boyle's UTube video before today? Wow, her voice is outstanding and the video humbling. Why? The easy answer is because those of us who have watched the tryouts for American Idol are cynically conditioned to doubt what we see, especially if the packaging is unglamorous. But, perhaps the real reason lies at the core of our tendency to judge people.

I preach that "manners" is basically kindness, compassion, and tolerance towards others. We can figure out most of the "rules" if we just think about how the other person is affected by our behavior. My point is that when we prejudge people based on their appearance or speech, our response has to impact the other in an unkind and therefore, unmannerly way. And, ultimately, we are the losers as well. What a shame that we missed out on Susan Boyle's amazing voice until now.

BOW-GATE AND PRESIDENTIAL PROTOCOL

How does the 44th President of the United States greet international royalty? Both sides of the aisle have criticized President Obama for every nuance of his first official trip abroad, including the way in which he greeted and gifted Prime Minister Gordon Brown, Queen Elizabeth, and Saudi King Abdullah, While any new President will have some protocol missteps, I'm more concerned with what was preventable and how they were handled by the White House.

I've been wondering for awhile just who IS advising the President and his family on protocol and etiquette issues? It would be reassuring to see him make a Chief of Protocol appointment. Nominating a truly qualified person would validate his stated commitment to "manners." I must confess that I suggested this in a congratulatory note to the President shortly after his election, but alas, my recommendation went unheeded. A credentialed Chief of Protocol might have intervened and prevented some of the criticism of the Obama's gift selections. Yes, I agree that they could have chosen more personal and inspired gifts, as I responded to the New York Post's query after their meeting with the Queen. Ditto for the gift to P.M. Gordon Brown.

Also preventable was the press criticism of bows, nods, handshakes, touches, and greetings. Did they violate some aspects of international protocol? "Yes, but": It's only fair to point out that like "etiquette," protocol does and indeed should evolve over time. Even the Queen's official website gives some latitude in official greetings allowing that at times a "handshake" may be appropriate. The fact that Prince Charles was "allowed" to marry a divorced woman is evidence that the protocol of the Royal Monarchy has evolved. Allowing a press friendly Chief of Protocol to explain these nuances (instead of, in some cases, self-described "etiquette experts") would have averted much of the criticism.

It's open season for scrutiny and criticism for every President, but by far, the most worrisome aspect of "bow-gate" is the White House response. I was disconcerted by Press Secretary Robert Gibb's first dishonest and then sarcastic response to a reporter's question about whether or not the President, as a mannerly gesture, bowed to King Abdullah. By first denying that President Obama bowed to the King and then saying, "I can only imagine it is of great cause and concern for many people struggling with the economy," Mr. Gibbs fueled the flames of "non-transparency" accusations in the White House. And, he diss'ed "protocol, etiquette, and manners" by suggesting that such concern was mutually exclusive with economic worry. Rather, uncertain times remind us that such core values as kindness, honesty, and compassion are what we call "manners."

HAVE A HEART; SAVE A HEART

Is it a coincidence that during our economic crisis, unselfish acts of kindness seem to be more prevalent? Psychological studies have shown us through the years that a common adversary (deep recession) can function to bind us together and foster the empathic behavior that defines “manners”. Last weekend, altruism and compassion ran rampant at the 11th annual Greater Washington Heart Ball.

Our host, Hilary Bruggen Fordwich, Strelmark CEO, assembled a remarkable table of philanthropic community leaders. One such benevolent innovator, American Airlines’ Rick Cutrera, has a long history of leading with his heart, contributing to causes ranging from autism to heart disease. Global leaders such as Hilary and Rick appear to be accelerating their recessionary giving, understanding that to save a heart, you must spread your heart and lead with manners, compassion, and kindness.

KINDNESS AND CHEVYS ARE THE NEW COOL

What the heck do kindness and manners have to do with Chevrolets, or Impalas to be exact? Ask my friend, Bob Parsons of GoDaddy.com. After expounding on the virtues of his shiny new black on black V8 Chevrolet Impala SS, I finally asked the obvious, “Why Impala?” Without hesitation, he replied, “because it’s the new cool, baby.”

Anyone who knows Bob knows not to question his evaluation of trends. Having just asked me to contribute a weekly "etiquette" audio-blog to his website and vlog, I’m inferring that Bob feels the same way about manners as he does about his fresh new Impala. And, since having “manners” is really about being kind and caring about the comfort of others, I must conclude that both kindness and Impalas are the new cool (baby).

CHARITY AND MANNERS IS LIKE PEAS AND CARROTS

What does charitable giving have to do with global manners? Bottom line, good manners entail caring about others and striving to make those around you comfortable. This includes not only trying to ensure their comfort in your presence, but also having the compassion to care about the well-being of others in general. Such is the nature of an amazing couple, Dee and William Brehm of Virginia.

During these times of intense economic uncertainty, the Brehms have steadfastly nurtured graduates of Fordson, Bill’s former high school in East Dearborn, Michigan. Their full-tuition scholarship program at the University of Michigan now has 21 Brehm Scholars on Campus. When they started the program six years ago, only six or seven Fordson graduates applied to U of M each year, with two or three accepted. The Brehms are ecstatic that this year 39 students applied and 25 were accepted. While only four or five full scholarships are awarded each year, they work with the University’s financial aid office to ensure that every student who enrolls will obtain the support needed. This includes medical school for those who are accepted. Currently, two medical students have scholarships that continue for additional four years.

Why should we care about this noble effort? Because the Brehm’s philanthropy reminds us that while our collective net worth has suffered terribly, we can never be stripped of our personal morality and education. And, while we’re all worried about defining our selves and our value to employers during this economic downturn, we are prompted to remember that the place to start is within. Do we value making those around us feel comfortable? How can we honor our compassion towards others? Is helping others a vehicle for helping ourselves? How can we personally grow when the economy isn’t? How can we stand out and increase our worth to our employers? Many of us can’t remember the last time we had peas and carrots, but charity and manners are values we can use daily to increase our personal growth and advancement.